Gen. 5: Matthew Solo-Ch. 22

Erin

“Come on Cam, man. Haven’t you heard of the bro code?”

As I got to the top of the landing I laughed hearing Cal complain. I could only guess that Cameron peed on him again. We’d been here a week since the funeral and Cal was good about helping with Cameron’s care even if Cam seemed to have it out for him. It never failed, he always seemed to pee soon as Cal took off his diaper.

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Gen. 5.21-Matthew Solo

I stood at the graveside, staring down into the hole that contained Kia’s body. Her final resting place. The minister was reciting some prayer. I heard Mom crying, Dad was comforting her. Why do we do this? Who does this whole process benefit? Kia was gone; she wouldn’t know who came out to mourn her. So what was the point? This whole exhibition was for those of us left behind. To pay our last respects. What did that even mean? Were we supposed to stand here and do our grieving before going on with the rest of our lives without that person? Were we supposed to try and make peace some sort of way if we had unresolved issues with the recently deceased? Kia was gone! She wouldn’t get to see our son grow up. She wouldn’t know that I was sorry for the choices I made that led us here. She wouldn’t know any of that, so me standing here as some man that didn’t even know her talked about how she was at peace now only served to anger me.

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Gen. 5.20-Matthew

Dad tried to convince me not to do this. With everything that had happened yesterday and this morning, he told me I’d had a panic attack and passed out. He didn’t think I could handle any more stress, but I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t even know why I had to be here, they knew it was Kia, she was found in her room, but they said it was procedure. That same word Ms. Logan stated when she showed up. Everything was procedure. They needed her next of kin to make a positive ID, so here I stood looking down at my wife. I kept hoping this was a bad dream, that at any moment I’d wake and the nightmare would be over. She was gone. She’d spent the last few hours of her life probably scared and angry, thinking she was unwanted. Her father had abandoned her and then I sent her here. Why didn’t she believe I would come back for her? Why did she do this?

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As Life Goes: Gen. 5.4-Matthew

The next day Mom spent a lot of time out with her plants. She had broken down into tears when Dad got home after his attempted talk with Claudia’s mom. He said her mind was made up and that she wouldn’t let her daughter’s life be ruined by some ‘careless fuck-up’.  Dad tried to tell them that we would take the baby, but Claudia refused to be 'fat and ugly'. I needed focus. I needed order. Counting wasn’t even helping. I was restless the whole day. I constantly checked the sinks making sure there were no leaks. I cleaned everything.

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