Gen. 5.21-Matthew Solo

I stood at the graveside, staring down into the hole that contained Kia’s body. Her final resting place. The minister was reciting some prayer. I heard Mom crying, Dad was comforting her. Why do we do this? Who does this whole process benefit? Kia was gone; she wouldn’t know who came out to mourn her. So what was the point? This whole exhibition was for those of us left behind. To pay our last respects. What did that even mean? Were we supposed to stand here and do our grieving before going on with the rest of our lives without that person? Were we supposed to try and make peace some sort of way if we had unresolved issues with the recently deceased? Kia was gone! She wouldn’t get to see our son grow up. She wouldn’t know that I was sorry for the choices I made that led us here. She wouldn’t know any of that, so me standing here as some man that didn’t even know her talked about how she was at peace now only served to anger me.

I walked away. Behind me I heard the guy stop talking, my family all called after me, but I kept walking. How could I be in so much open space and feel so closed in? I loosened the tie around my neck; it didn’t help. The walls were closing in on me even with being outside.

“Where are you going?” Dad asked, appearing out of nowhere in front of me.

“Home…this…this is all pointless.”

“You can’t just walk off in the middle of the service. It’s disrespectful.”

“To who? It’s not like Kia’s gonna know I left? So who am I disrespecting by leaving?”

A solemn look crossed his face. “Yourself,” he answered quietly. Dad gave me a pat on the shoulder before walking back to the rest of the family.

   

I took a seat on one of the nearby benches. It was a beautiful day all things considering. Kia loved days like these. Bright, sunny, days; happy days she’d called them. There was nothing happy about this day.

I glanced up to see things wrapping up graveside. I knew they’d all come back to the house with me. I knew they’d all ask me how I was doing, if I needed anything. I did, but it was the one thing they wouldn’t give me. I just wanted them gone. I didn’t want to keep looking at them and seeing the disappointment in their eyes. No one said anything, but it was there. I knew it was. I was thankful the rest of the family didn’t fly out. They sent flowers and cards of condolences. There was this constant feeling I couldn’t get rid of. It wasn’t my normal feelings of unease, this was different and whatever it was just kept building and I had no way to alleviate the pressure.

Cal came over and took a seat beside me. One…two…three…I waited to see what he’d say. I didn’t know him all that well since he and Aunt Erin lived in Roaring Heights, but of the people here, he was the one to annoy me the least. He wasn’t constantly feeling the need to take care of me in some way. Instead, he gave me my space and I appreciated that. I heard cars crank up; Cameron started crying, someone mentioned he might be hungry. I didn’t even look up to see who had him; anyone of them was a better option than I was.

We sat in silence for a little while longer before he finally spoke. “Are you ready to go?”

I looked over at Kia’s grave. The workers had already begun covering her with dirt. Just like that she was being buried, covered up. I wanted to yell at them to stop, or punch them, maybe both, but I didn’t. That feeling inside of me twisted just a little bit more. I stood, nodded, then walked towards the cars with Cal following quietly behind me.

When we got home, I couldn’t walk inside. It was too crowded in there, yet felt so empty. Klutz came out and took a seat beside me.

“You wanna go for a walk boy?” His tail started to wag as I scratched him behind the ears.

Luckily we kept his leash right by the door, so I wouldn’t have to answer any questions about where I was headed.

“Excuse me.” I turned to see a balding man staring at a crumpled piece of paper. “Is this the Solo residence?”

The man shifted from side to side, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. I examined his features as I slowly walked down the steps. There was something familiar about him.

“Yes, this is the Solo residence,” I answered finally. I continued to stare at him. It was the eyes, her eyes. “Who are you?” I asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

One…two…three…four…that feeling inside me, twisting tighter.

“I…um…I got a call from a Detective McIntyre about Kia. I…I’m Alexander Borders, her father.”

The words were barely out of his mouth before my fist connected with his jaw. “You have a lot of fucking nerve showing up here!” I advanced towards him, ready to punch him again, but a woman got out of the car and ran to his side.

“Oh my god Alex, are you okay?” she asked lovingly touching his face. “What the hell is wrong with you?” she yelled at me.

“What the hell is wrong with me? You should be asking that question to the piece of shit laying on my lawn!”

“Linda, it’s okay.”

“What’s going on out here?” I heard come from behind me.

Dad walked over to help the man up from the ground. Mom stepped up beside me, laying a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry…” Dad started, but I cut him off.

“That person doesn’t deserve any apologies.”

I stared at that sorry excuse for a man as he rubbed his bruised jaw. There he stood looking all sad and pathetic while his wife doted on him. In my eyes she was just as bad as him. How could any woman stand by a man that treated his child the way that man had treated Kia?

“I see Kia has given you her view on things, but…”

“But…why is there a but to that? You abandoned your child! You locked up her mother and shipped off your daughter because she became inconvenient for you. An embarrassment!”

Pops stepped between me and that man. I’d never considered myself a violent person, but looking at Kia’s father, that feeling inside me grew. My stomach ached from the pain and the only way I saw relief was to pummel that man into the ground for what he did.

“It wasn’t like that,” he weakly defended.

“You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about,” the wife chimed in. “Alex is a good man. He told me Kia took the divorce hard and they had been estranged. He’s tried to make contact with her…”

“Bullshit! What Kia took hard was her father leaving her at the age of twelve after he had her mother committed to Marsdale.”

“Matthew!” Mom and Dad said in unison.

The wife looked over at him. He refused to meet her gaze. So he’d lied to her about the nature of his relationship with Kia. Well I guess that explains how she was able to be with him, he put the blame on his daughter.

“Why don’t we take this inside? This isn’t a conversation that needs to be had out for anyone to hear,” Mom suggested.

 I shook my head. “I have nothing else to say to him and there’s nothing that he can say that I want to hear.” I turned and headed back to the house. My head hurt and I was sleepy. Extremely sleepy.

“Wait. Look, you’re right I wasn’t the best father…” he paused and looked over at his wife. “Or husband, but I’ve changed. People can change.”

“This change must be recent, like within the last forty-eight hours because you certainly hadn’t changed when she invited you to her graduation, or later to our wedding reception. Where was the change then? She was your wife. She needed you, and you failed her! You just locked her up because of your own selfish reasons!”

The man looked confused, the same look was mirrored on the faces of the others standing in my yard.

“Wife? She…what?” he asked, looking at Dad for something. Help maybe. I didn’t care what he wanted, I just wanted him gone. Out of my sight and out of my life. I turned to go into the house, all I wanted was to go to bed and put this day behind me.

“Please. When I got the call, the man told me she’d had a baby. That I was a grandfather. I…I messed up with Kia. I did wrong by her, but I’d like the chance to meet him to…”

That was the last straw. The man was on the ground again before anyone could react. Pain pulsated through my hand from making direct contact with his jawbone twice in a short time. But the pain didn’t matter. I’d rather my hand be broken than let that filth anywhere near my son. “You need to get one thing straight; YOU do NOT have a grandchild. Cameron is my son and you will never lay your eyes on him!”

The wife was crying, Uncle Caleb was trying to calm her. Mom was apologizing for my behavior. I pulled free from Pops and shoved past Cal, taking the steps in one leap. 

“Matthew Solo!” Dad yelled, hot on my heels as I entered the house. “What has gotten into you?”

“Nothing’s gotten into me! He just shows up here…getting punched let him off easy as far as I’m concerned!”

“And if he wants to press charges for you assaulting him?”

“Let him! I don’t care!”

Dad pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly still frustrated with my attitude from earlier and this wasn’t helping. Most times I would feel bad about disappointing him or Mom, but that feeling wasn’t there. The only thing I felt was that ache and this odd void that made no sense to me.

“Look son, I know what you’re going through, how you’re feeling…”

“Really Dad? You know what it’s like to have you wife commit suicide? For her to have so little faith in you that she thought that was her only option?”

“Suicide? No. But I do know what it’s like to watch your wife waste away slowly as the cancer eats at her. I know what it’s like to feel helpless and yet so full of anger because there was nothing you could do for her! I know what it’s like to watch her put on a brave face everyday, trying to reassure you that things will be okay even when you know they won’t. I know what it’s like to hate the world and everyone around you as the unfairness of it all consumes you!”

I was stunned into silence. Dad was clearly really going out of his way to try and relate to what I was feeling. Mom was fine, she wasn’t wasting away. She couldn’t even get sick. Could she? A panic took hold, we couldn’t get sick, but she was human first so maybe it was different for her.

“Before your mother,” he said, answering my unspoken train of thought. “I was married before your mother. I wanted to change her, to save her, but I couldn’t. My hands were tied so I do know somewhat how you’re feeling right now. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but things will be okay at some point. I promise you, things will get better.”

And there it was, that feeling of shame and embarrassment that would always creep in when I’d done something to disappoint my parents.

“Dad…I…”

“It’s okay son,” he said, hugging me tightly. “Like I said, I do understand how you feel. Go upstairs and spend some time with your son. Your grandmother was keeping him away from all the commotion.”

I nodded before dutifully turning to go upstairs. I heard GiGi and Aunt Erin talking as they hung out in Cameron’s room.

Aunt Erin smiled when she saw me. “Everything okay down there now?”

“Yeah.” I watched as GiGi gave Cameron a fresh diaper. “I…I’m going to go lay down for a little while.”

I walked in my room then closed and locked the door. After getting out of my suit as quickly as possible, I climbed into bed then put in my headphones, cranking the music up as loud as I could stand it; I closed my eyes and shut out everything.

**A/N**

So originally Kia’s dad was supposed to fall victim to Matt’s inner beauty prank. I hadn’t planned on showing all 12 in the story because that would be hard to work in, but I did have a plan for at least 3. We got 2, but as I was writing this chapter it didn’t fit. The other two were women and although Matt was pissed, he would never hurt a female. Kia’s dad…well he’s another story. So instead of having the inner beauty prank, Matt wanted to duke it out with the man so that’s what we got.