Gen. 5: Matthew Solo-Ch. 22

Erin

“Come on Cam, man. Haven’t you heard of the bro code?”

As I got to the top of the landing I laughed hearing Cal complain. I could only guess that Cameron peed on him again. We’d been here a week since the funeral and Cal was good about helping with Cameron’s care even if Cam seemed to have it out for him. It never failed, he always seemed to pee soon as Cal took off his diaper.

“This kid hates me, babe.”

“He’s only four months, he doesn’t hate you, I think he likes the noise you make when he gets you. You do kinda squeal like a girl.”

Cal frowned in my direction. “I do not!” He glanced at the tray in my hands. “You think he’ll eat today?”

I shrugged, looking down at the food. “I hope so since he didn’t the last two days.”

Walking over to Matt’s door, I knocked then waited to listen for sounds of life. “Matt I made you lunch.” No reply. “I need you to eat Matt. Come on, I don’t want to find out Grace if has a bad side by letting you starve yourself.” Still no response. I heard the faint rustling of the covers so at least I knew he was still alive in there. I sat the tray down outside his door. “Please at least try to eat something.”

Cal was waiting for me with his hand outstretched. I took it, resting my head against his shoulder. I was worried about my nephew, and that worry grew every day. After the funeral, Grace and Jonas needed to get back to check on the triplets. Mom needed to get back to work, she had surgeries coming up for patients. No one wanted to leave Matt alone and especially not with Cameron. With Cal owning a bar, we were the ones who could take the additional time to allow Grace and Jonas time to make arrangements for the girls. Grace didn’t want to leave, but I assured her we didn’t mind staying to take care of things.

Matt hadn’t been out of his room since the funeral. We left food by his door. Some days the tray would go untouched, other days we’d be happy to see he did at least eat something. We hoped Matt was the one eating and it wasn’t Klutz sneaking the food. Because the tray would be gone sometimes, I was pretty sure it was Matt eating.

Kia’s father had called a few times, again asking to see Cameron. Jonas had talked to him before they’d left and told him he’d have to ask Matt’s permission for that. Knowing how Matt felt about that man and knowing how he’d treated his own child, I didn’t want Cameron anywhere near him either. I hadn’t gotten to know Kia well, but in the little we did get to interact, she seemed like a sweet girl. Her father was a disgusting person for turning his back on her the way he’d done. I wasn’t an advocate of violence, and it shocked the hell out of me to know that my sweet nephew had that in him, but I was glad he kicked that man’s ass.

Dad could be annoyingly over protective at times, but we always knew that he would be there for us. I couldn’t imagine how Kia lived day to day not having that from her own father. We all knew the situation surrounding how Matt and she ended up together, but I was happy things worked out like they did before her death. She at least found acceptance and love in a family that took her in without question.

Once downstairs, I watched as my sexy husband buckled Cameron into his swing. We’d not discussed having kids. It’s not like we had some time limit. This week, seeing how good he was with Cameron, even when he got peed on, it made me wonder how he’d be as a father. The bar took up a lot of our time, and we enjoyed being together as a couple, and being able to go on trips or whatever when the mood hit us. I’m sure kids were in our future, but not anytime soon. No matter how much Mom complained about wanting more grandkids.

“What?” he asked when he turned.

“Nothing, just enjoying the view of your ass as you bend over.”

“Such bad language in front of these innocent ears.”

“Cam has no idea what I said.”

“I was talking about mine,” he joked, taking a seat beside me.

I rolled my eyes. “Innocent my ass. I’m married to you remember?”

He gave me one of those big, boyish grins that I loved so much before leaning in to kiss me. “I wouldn’t forget that. I thank my lucky stars every day.”

At the sound of footsteps coming from upstairs, we both looked up at the ceiling. “Sounds like he’s up.”

“Yeah, hopefully to eat.”

“I’m so worried about him and I don’t know how to help him.”

“I know babe, and you are helping. Taking care of his son, being here, that’s helping. As for Matt, he needs to work things out in his way and in his time.  I mean the poor kid has gotten one hell of a raw deal.”

I curled up beside Cal, taking a look over at Cam who’d fallen asleep. He was too young to understand and I was thankful that he wasn’t aware of his father’s unintentional, temporary abandonment.

Grace

We’d been back in Riverview for two weeks and in that time I’d yet to see my son. Erin and Cal said they’d not seen him either. Food was left at his door, sometimes he’d eat, sometimes he wouldn’t. Each day that passed only served to increase my fear for his well-being. He was in pain and I wanted to take that pain away. I wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be alright if he’d let me. Sadly, his door remained locked. Jonas had to talk me out of shrinking and going under, saying that Matt needed this time to work through things on his own. I couldn’t fix it for him. So far I’d refrained, but each day he didn’t open the door weakened my resolve on giving him that space.

I loved taking care of Cameron, and the girls especially enjoyed trying to mother him, but he needed his father just as much as Matt needed him. These months were a critical time in Cameron’s life, but my helpless grandson was all but an orphan right now. He’d lost his mother and his father was unable to care for him.

“Matthew, we love you,” I called out to the door. I reminded him of that fact everyday so he’d know he wasn’t alone in this.

“Daddy my turn!” I heard one of the girls cry out.

I smiled, shaking my head. I needed to go rescue Jonas before a squabble broke out again among the girls. Lori stood in front of her daddy pouting as she watched Lola get a chance to hold Cameron. Lois was too busy trying to climb into the swing to care about the baby, at least right now.

“Mommy Lola no share.” She folded her arms and gave me a pout.

“My baby,” Lola said, attempting to hold Cameron tighter, but Jonas quickly corrected her to keep him from getting hurt.

I dropped down to Lori’s level, “Baby girl, Cameron is not a toy.”

I saw it coming before it happened. Her bottom lip stuck out, her little face started to turn red. Taking one deep breath, the full-fledged crying tantrum started. Lori dropped to the ground crying at the top of her lungs. 

It was only a matter of time before the other two started as well. They always seemed to cry together. They’d been fussier than usual and we were sure that it had to do with the change in their schedule on top of having Jonas and I’s attention divided not only between them, but Cameron and Matt as well. They were unhappy, Matt was unhappy, I couldn’t do anything right for any of my kids. I was at a loss at this point. My own tears started.

“Grace, honey, come here.” Jonas pulled me up into his warm embrace. I felt the girls’ hands tugging at my pants, Lori included, her tantrum over just as quickly as it’d started.

“It’s going to be okay. I promise, we’ll get through this. Matthew included.”

“How do you know that? How can you be so sure he won’t slowly starve himself or worse? He’s never handled stress well and it was all so much at once Jonas. He’s my baby and I can’t help him. I’m scared Jonas.” I cried harder, Jonas’ arms tightened around me in response.

Before Kia’s suicide I could never imagine someone being so lost that they felt death was the only option. I knew she was sick, but I honestly thought that we could help her. Matt did everything he could think of, we all loved and supported her, but none of that mattered in the end. Kia took her own life out of fear, or hopelessness, maybe both, and we all knew Matt blamed himself for everything. Even before he locked himself away, he’d started to withdraw and the thought of losing my son became a bigger fear each day.

Gently Jonas wiped away my tears. “I know you are, I see it on your beautiful face every day. I’m worried about him too. We’re here for him and he knows we are. I hear you tell him you love him every day. He may not respond, but he hears you.”

“Kia had that love and support, but still she…”

“You can’t think like that,” he scolded. “Kia’s death shook us all, Matthew especially. We won’t lose him Grace.”

“It feels like we already have.”

He pressed his lips to my forehead. “We haven’t. We’re going to get him through this, I promise you.”

He sounded so confident in his attempts to put some of my fears to rest. Jonas was my rock and I was sure I’d be a bigger mess if not for his calm, and loving presence. The girls got fussier as they fought to get between us. Jonas bent to pick up Lois, whose eager arms reached for me immediately.

“No cry Mommy. I good girl.” She wrapped her arms around my neck.

Jonas picked up the other two who were still vying for attention. “How about a trip to the park?” The girls all eagerly clapped their hands in response.

“No Jonas, it’s too cold out.”

“It’s not that bad, besides it might do us all some good to get out of the house for a little while.”

Knowing I was out numbered four to one, I conceded quickly. Once at the park, the girls all went running in different directions. Klutz chased behind them, reminding me so much of how Vor was with Matt.

Jonas was right about the weather, it was cool, but not overly cold. Spring was just around the corner. Cameron started to get fussy. As I got him out of the stroller, he gave me a big, toothless grin.

“Is Grammy’s big boy hungry?”

Turning the stroller, I picked up the diaper bag in search of a bottle. After getting us settled, I glanced up to see a woman standing a little ways away on the sidewalk. Her clothes appeared dirty and worn making me think that the rips and tears in her jeans weren’t because of that fashion trend.

She stood with a smile on her face as she watched Jonas and the girls play. Having a stranger staring at my children should have set off my alarm bells, but she didn’t. When she finally noticed I was watching her, she quickly turned and ran back down the sidewalk.

“Grace, everything alright?”

I turned to look at my husband whose eyes darted between me and the direction of the stranger.

“Oh, yeah, there was just this woman watching.”

The alarm I should have felt showed on his face. “What? Watching us?” Jonas stepped forward, trying to get a better glimpse down the street.

“It’s okay. I don’t think she meant any harm.”

He smiled, walking over and giving kisses to both Cameron and I on the foreheads. “Have I told you how beautiful you look holding a baby in your arms?”

My face got warm, even after all these years his compliments still made me blush. “I think you’re judgement is biased.”

He shrugged. “Maybe, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”

My eyes drifted back to where the stranger had stood feeling sorry that she’d appeared to be so down on her luck.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?”

I smiled as I turned my attention back to Jonas.

“Daddy play,” the girls called out before I answered.

Jonas let out a dramatic sigh. “I’m telling you Grace, these girls are really making me feel my age.” He stole a quick kiss before heading back to the girls. They all squealed with delight when he started chasing them.

I smiled at the scene in front of me. I wanted Jonas to be right. I had to believe we’d get through this with Matt and eventually he’d be enjoying these moments with his son.