Gen. 5: Matthew Solo-Ch. 26

“You never wanted me! Never loved me!”
 

“That’s not true Kia.”

 “Yes it is, it’s why I’m here. You did this. You put me here. You broke your promise.”

She turned, walking away from me.

“Kia please. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.” I ran after her but she just got further and further away.

We’re no longer at the hospital. The cliff comes into view; I run faster trying to catch up to her, to stop her. She stops, turns to look at me, her eyes pleading. Slow steps backwards, closer and closer to the edge. I call out for her to stop. I’m nearly there.

“You did this!”

“Nooooo!” I lunge for her, but she’s gone.

I bolted upright in bed. My hand instinctively went to Kia’s side of the bed. The emptiness I find instantly reminding me that my nightmare is real.

My body ached. I’d grown accustom to the constant throbbing in my head. The more I tried to sleep it off, the more it ached. The pain was mild to what I deserved, so I took my punishment. I fell back again my damp, sweat soaked pillow, staring blankly at the ceiling. I tried to ignore the gnawing in my stomach. How many days had it been? Two? Three? More? I’d lost all sense of time. The days blurred together. My eyes focused on the spec in front of me. It was small, a tiny brown spot on the otherwise clean ceiling.

I stared at it, the smudge mocking me as I wanted to clean it, but not having the energy to do so. I stared, waiting for my eyelids to get heavy so I could block out the world again.

The gnawing in my stomach got more painful. My bladder screamed for relief. My eyes closed; if only I could just sleep, it would all go away. If only I could sleep, I wouldn’t feel the pain of my failure. The comforting darkness started to take over. A knock at the door. That voice. Her voice. The stranger on the other side of my door.

“Yer lunch is ready. I made pie. Your mom brought over a bunch of fruit from her garden, said you liked fresh fruit and such. Anyway it’s apple.”

Homemade apple pie? My stomach growled in response to the thought of it, and of food in general. I started to get up when she spoke again.

“Um, also thought ya might wanna know that Cameron got up on all fours today. Didn’t move yet, but think he might be crawlin’ soon. In…in case you wanted to see it…maybe. Anyway, I’ll let you be. Hope ya eat today.”

My eyes closed again as I listened. That voice that was both annoying to hear, yet comforting at the same time. It reminded me that someone was still there, but also told me my parents …my parents. Dad. He claimed I wasn’t alone, they were worried, yet there was a stranger on the other side of my door. 

One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten. I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to think, but my body demanded attention. Moving slowly, I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

I remained there, giving time for the spinning to stop. My limbs ached as I put strain on my arms in an attempt to push my body off the bed.

One…two…three…three careful steps to the closet. I paused to catch my breath and to let the light-headedness pass. My legs wobbled, struggling to support my upright position.

One…two…three…four…four unsteady steps to the toilet. My body swayed, making me reach out for the towel rack before I hit the floor. After managing to empty my bladder, I staggered over to the sink. Kia’s toothbrush still sat in the holder. It, like the other reminders of her in this space, mocked me.

They were daggers stabbing at me, reminding me of how much I’d failed her. Looking up, I came face to face with my reflection for the first time. The horrified look on Dad’s face popped back into my head. I dropped my head, hiding away from the accusatory eyes that stared back at me.

One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…Seven slow steps to my door. Turning the knob, I briefly let the outside in.

“Guess peas ain’t yer favorite since you’re wearin’ more than I think ya ate.”

Her voice, followed by baby babbles. Heard them before I saw them, but there she was, the stranger on the other side of the door and Cameron.

My eyes stayed trained on him. He was dirty, his clothes and some of hers, covered in green. Peas, she’d said peas. He was eating food now? When did that happen? He needed to be cleaned. He looked bigger. Was he bigger?

 

“Oh my…” Her voice broke through, followed by the sound of a bark. “Klutz no!”

Her command came too late. Klutz ran right at me. The impact knocked the wind out of me as I fell to the ground. My head smacking down onto the hardwood floor.

Lydia

“Oh lord! Klutz, no, come, stop!” I yelled at the excited animal but he paid me no mind.

I stood frozen just outside the door too scared to go in. He wasn’t moving. Not even to try and push Klutz away.

“Dear lord, please don’t let him be dead.”

I ran over to put Cameron in his crib. He started crying, reaching out for me. “Just a minute baby boy, I gotta make sure yer daddy’s okay.”

Taking a deep breath, I walked back over to the other room. His room. I felt like I was doing something wrong by walking in, but what choice did I have. Klutz was whimpering, nudging his owner who still lay, unmoving on the floor.

I had to breathe through my mouth cuz he smelled riper than a rotten onion. I hoped I’d never smelled that bad. After shooing Klutz from the room, I leaned down to try and see if he was still breathing. Relief was an understatement when I saw the slow up and down of his chest. Klutz busied himself by eating some of the food that went scattering across the floor when he’d ran for his master.

I sat back staring that the unconscious man on the floor. The man I’d been tended to for the last few weeks. I was unprepared for the sight before me, but then again how does somebody prepare for something like this? The shirt which I suspected was once white, was now a dingy brown. I remembered the look in his eye right when he saw us. He looked lost. That was the best way I could describe it. 

What was I supposed to do now? Call 911? I shook off that thought, he was breathing, just knocked out right now. He’d be fine. He had to be fine. I should call his parents. They’d want to know, I mean they always ask about updates or changes. I couldn’t imagine they’d be happy to know I let Klutz knock him down.

“Fiddlesticks! Mr. Solo already don’t like me. What if I git fired? No, this ain’t ‘bout me.”

  

I decided they gotta know, even if it meant me getting fired. But first I needed to get him off the floor. Standing, I looked over at the bed, the vacant spot was filthy. His body imprint could clearly be seen. I couldn’t in good conscience put him back in that.

“First Cameron, then his daddy.”

After getting Cameron all cleaned, I took him back downstairs and put him in his swing. To keep Klutz out of the way, I put him outside just until I could get things done. Heading back up, I peeked in to see the poor man still lying on the floor. Klutz really did a number on him.

Grabbing a fresh blanket and sheets from the linen closet in the hall bathroom, I set about changing his bedding. That current set needed about two good washings. The next part wasn’t so simple. What he really needed was a bath, but a quick wipe down and a change of clothes would have to do. It didn’t take me long to find which drawers were his. I felt bad going through his stuff, but he needed to be taken care of and this is what I was hired for. I was just doing my job. At least that’s what I told myself to try and ease the guilt.

Filling his bathroom sink with warm, soapy water, I set about giving him some sort of sponge bath. It took me a few trips back and forth but I got his face, armpits, and torso wiped down. Then, being as gentle as I could, I put him on clean pants and a new shirt. He’d just have to deal with the same underwear. The only man I’d seen naked was Peter and I could barely look at him. No way was I ‘bout to completely undress this man. I was worried the whole time he’d wake up in the middle, but he was out like a light.

Years of dealing with a drunk Peter made moving him almost second nature. Even still, I was breathing heavy by the time I got him into the bed. For a man as skinny as he was, he still was heavy as a sack of potatoes being nothing but dead weight and all.

I stood back admiring my handy work. He still smelled, but not as bad. I walked out, with the sheets and his clothes in my arms, they needed to be washed in hot water immediately. Downstairs, poor Cameron had fallen asleep in his swing. I put the things in the wash then went back up to clean up the mess of food that was all over the floor. Once I was finished, I thought about closing his door, but left it open. I needed to check on him, to make sure he woke up. I didn’t know how long it was normal to be out from something like this, so far it’d only been maybe thirty minutes.

I did a quick change of Cameron’s sheets before putting him down to finish out his nap. As I went to peek back in on Mr. Solo Jr., I heard him making groaning noise. Thank goodness, he was waking. I stood just outside the doorway debating on if I should go in. On one hand this man had been locked away not wanting to see nobody, but on the other, he took a nasty fall. I was supposed to care for him, he might need aspirin or an ice pack.

My stomach knotted, my heart raced, my palms were suddenly sweaty. No matter all the reasons I told myself I should go in there, my legs wouldn’t carry me in. I’d been wondering since I got here about the man behind the door. I’d looked at his picture on a daily basis, but the man I saw earlier was so different. He looked familiar, 'specially laid out like that, but I couldn't put my finger on why.

“What…no…what happened?” His panicked voice drew me in.

“Um…hello, I’m…”

“Did you do this? What did you do?” I was stunned by his tone. Those sad eyes from earlier now looked at me as if I put a burr in his saddle. I knew that look.

“I…you…um…”

“Things are different! You changed the sheets, you changed everything!”

“I’m sorry…I…I was trying to help.”

“Where are they?”

My mouth went dry. I stood there wringing my hands and trying desperately to think of something to say that wouldn’t make him angrier.

“Where?” he yelled again.

“In…in the wash,” I replied, barely choking out the answer.

“They will never be the same. Nothing will ever be the same now.”

“I’m…”

“Get out!”

I turned and ran from the room, slamming the door behind me, before he could yell at me again. Or worse. My entire body shook. Flashbacks of Peter and his drunken rages hit me like a freight train. I watched the doorknob to see if he was coming after me. It never turned. Cries coming from Cameron’s room got my attention. I was still shaking when I picked him up and held him tight.

“He…he was just mad is all. I should'na went in his room. He ain’t like Pete. No man that tore up over his wife being gone could be like Pete. He was just mad is all.” I said the words, but I wasn’t sure if I fully believed them.