Gen. 5.19-Matthew

Mom and Dad said nothing as they drove me home. I’m sure they’d discussed plenty while I was knocked out from whatever they drugged me with. They were there when I woke up, so I knew I’d been out for a while. Mom’s eyes were red, so I knew she’d been crying. Again something I’d done had my mother in tears. Shannon had called them, she’d met them during one of their visits and I was thankful I’d had them down as back up emergency contacts on the paperwork I’d had to fill out with her agency. I’d wanted to thank her for all her help, but she was gone when I woke up. Mom and Dad did tell me she somehow managed to talk me out of being arrested. The hospital and the orderly that I’d hit wanted to press charges, but after she explained to them what all went on that day, they were sympathetic to my emotional state.

Klutz sat by the front door when I walked into the house. His ears were back and he had that sad look on his face. He’d been stuck in the house for hours so I knew that meant he’d had an accident somewhere. I headed straight to the backdoor and found the mess. I grabbed a towel and the cleaner then went about cleaning it up.

 How did I let things get so out of hand? Where did I go wrong in trying to take care of my family? I hired a nurse, I got Kia to specialists, I thought I was doing everything right to take care of her and Cameron. I failed. 

Cameron has been taken away. I could possibly lose him. The state could take my son away because I allowed him to be put in danger. Kia; I’d broken my promise to her. Would she ever forgive me for what I’ve done? She was so scared and looked so betrayed when I told her she was being admitted. I was responsible for her, I was responsible for them both and in the same day they’d both been taken from me.

“Matt!” I looked over to see Dad. His face was creased with worry. “Son, you are going to scrub a hole in the floor if you keep that up.” He reached over to remove the rag from my hand.

 I looked down at the floor, the wood was already showing signs of slight discoloration where I’d been cleaning.

“Go upstairs, take a nice shower. Your mom will fix you something to eat and then we’ll figure out a game plan.” I nodded slightly as I got to my feet.

Mom walked over and gave me a tight hug. “It’s going to be okay sweetie. He’ll be home; they’ll both be home before you know it.”

I kept my head down, unable to look my own mother in the eye out of fear of seeing the disappointment there. As I slowly made my way up the steps, I could hear the hushed whispers as they tried to figure a way to get me out of the mess I’d created. Klutz was at my heels whining softly. At the top of the stairs, he ran forward into Cameron’s room.

He jumped up, looking into the crib then back at me, whimpering more. He turned a few circles in front of the crib before finally sitting. I hesitated before walking into the room. Cameron’s favorite blanky sat on the chair. He loved that thing. He wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight without it.

He had a routine, he needed that to be put down every night. The strangers that had him wouldn’t what song to sing him as he had his bath. They wouldn’t even know what soap to use for him. That woman didn’t ask if he had allergies or dietary restrictions. She just took him. She didn’t know anything about me, or him, but made the call that strangers could care for him better than I could. They couldn’t.

 Reaching down, I picked up the soft, blue fleece blanket. It was the first thing we’d bought for Cameron after finding out he was a boy. We’d left the appointment and Kia asked to go to Baby Galore. When she’d picked up the fuzzy blanket I knew we weren’t leaving without it. I brought the soft fabric to my nose, it smelled of baby powder and his lavender nighttime soap. My son was out there with strangers, scared and alone. As was my wife. The walls were closing in on me. I needed out of this room. Out of this house. Cameron’s blanket fell to the floor as I rushed from the room. I changed quickly then ran down the stairs and out of the house, ignoring my parents as they called out to me.

 I ran hard; the biting sting of the cold winter night barely registered with me. I put all my concentration on trying to clear my head. One…two…three…four…Focused only on what I could control; one foot in front of the next. Five…six…seven…Each pound of the pavement took me further away from the stress. Each pound of the pavement put more distance between me and my empty house.

I ran until my lungs burned and my legs ached. I ran until my mind could no longer focus on counting my steps. I ran until the only thing that registered with me was the ache in my limbs. I ran until my legs finally gave out. I stumbled, falling forward onto the cold, damp grass. Each breathe I took caused me pain. My lungs seemingly refused to take in the bitter, cold air.

Even my eyes stung as I laid there, unmoving on the ground, staring up at the dark, starry sky. A light snow had started to fall. The icy flakes pelted my face. Closing my eyes, I forced myself to take easy slow breaths. The burn in my limbs was being replaced with cold. My sweat soaked clothes were now becoming stiff as they dried. The shivering started. I knew I needed to get up or risk freezing, but I couldn’t move.

I heard footsteps approaching, still I didn’t move. If they wanted to rob me, so be it. I had nothing of value on me anyway. The person stopped, I could tell they were close, but they didn’t speak. More footsteps approached and the person standing over me let out a gasp before I heard hurried footsteps running in the opposite direction. A male voiced called out, yelling stop, I assumed at the person running away.

The other footsteps got closer. “Are you okay sir?”

I finally forced my eyes open, my vision had to readjust, but eventually I was able to focus on the face of a patrolman staring down at me. “Yeah, just catching my breath,” I answered, finally forcing myself to sit up.

The cop helped me up. “It’s a little cold to be out for a run.”

I shrugged, shrunk, then flew off in the direction of home. After turning the corner to my street, I changed back to normal size. I wanted to prolong going back into the house for as long as possible. My legs were heavy and I knew they’d be sore in the morning. The conversation stopped when I opened the door. Both Mom and Dad appeared in the foyer.

“You’ve been gone for hours. We were getting so worried!” Mom said.

“Sorry. I just needed…out.”

“It’s fine, you’re back now,” she continued, reaching for my hand. “I made you some soup. You must be hungry so come sit, and eat. And warm up,” she added, quickly dropping my cold hand from hers.

Dad didn’t say anything as he followed us into the living room.

“I’m really not that hungry. I think I just want to shower and sleep.”

“We need to discuss things,” he countered.

“I know Dad, but…I really just need to sleep. It’s not like I can do anything tonight to get them back.”

I turned and headed up the steps before either of them could protest. The hot water felt great beating down on me. It helped sooth my aching muscles and took the chill from my bones. After getting dried off and dressed, I climbed into my bed that felt surprisingly too large without Kia curled up next to me. Pulling the covers over my head, I was happy that exhaustion took over and I feel asleep quickly.

The ringing of a phone worked its way into my consciousness pulling me reluctantly from my slumber. Kia’s empty side of the bed greeted me as I opened my eyes. The morning sun peeked through the curtains. I didn’t want to get up, but I knew I’d not be able to get back to sleep. The ringing stopped so I assumed Mom or Dad answered for me since the machine didn’t pick up. Pain shot through my body when I attempted to move.

“Ow!” I groaned. I forced myself to stretch in hopes some of the soreness would work its way out. Running a weary hand over my face, I slowly pushed off the bed and headed downstairs. “…how could something like this happen?” It was Dad’s voice and he sounded angry. “Your job is to keep this from happening. How could you people be so careless?”

I got to the bottom of the steps; the smell of Dad’s pancakes greeted me. Mom was sitting at the table crying, Dad looked up at me and the expression on his face told me my day was already starting off bad. One…two…three…four… Mom saw me and immediately ran over to hug me.

“What’s going on?”…five…six…seven… Mom kept crying, Dad said something about being there shortly then hung up the phone.

“Son have a seat,” Dad said, but I shook my head.…eight…nine…ten… “No, just tell me what the hell is going on!”

They looked at each other before he spoke again. “It’s about Kia.”

“Wh…what about her? Is she okay?”…eleven…twelve…thirteen…

He didn’t have to say anything; the look on his face answered my question. “No, son, she’s not.”

This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. The words he spoke couldn’t be real. It was only going to be two days, why didn’t she believe I’d come back for her? Why would she do this? How could she leave me and Cameron?

My stomach hurt, my head pounded, and there was a throbbing ringing in my ears. My chest felt as if someone were sitting on it, constricting my breathing. I couldn’t breathe, I tried, but I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. My wife was dead.

I couldn’t breathe. Everything was spinning.

**A/N**

Thanks to LateKnightSimmer for making the cleaning pose for me. :)